Posted in Entertainment

“Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle”: meh!

Not because everyone tells you that a movie is great and it’s on top of the Box Office and it’s a success by Hollywood standards, means it’s great. I was supposed to get this review out since last month, but I’m still angry at this garbage.

Image result for "Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle"

Take a look at this plot:

When four high-school kids discover an old video game console with a game they’ve never heard of–Jumanji–they are immediately drawn into the game’s jungle setting, literally becoming the avatars they chose: gamer Spencer becomes a brawny adventurer (Dwayne Johnson); football jock Fridge loses (in his words) “the top two feet of his body” and becomes an Einstein (Kevin Hart); popular girl Bethany becomes a middle-aged male professor (Jack Black); and wallflower Martha becomes a warrior (Karen Gillan). What they discover is that you don’t just play Jumanji–you must survive it. To beat the game and return to the real world, they’ll have to go on the most dangerous adventure of their lives, discover what Alan Parrish left 20 years ago, and change the way they think about themselves–or they’ll be stuck in the game forever…

Related image

I look beyond the dramatic cinematic effects and I see unwatchable typical Hollyweird oversexualized junk. This lame movie was not anywhere near funny. It was reaching, it was cheesy, the dialogue was senseless and that’s not even half of it. The acting was bad, Jack Black is as funny as paint drying, Kevin Hart is NOT funny, and Dwayne Johnson? Well, I’ll never see him as an actor and nothing or no one is going to change my opinion about him. He falls flat where it concerns the emotions. 

He is just not a good actor and he is not believable at all. He is not charismatic and he does not have THAT real on-screen presence. I mean, not every actor can be Tom Cruise action-wise, but Johnson gives me nothing.

When you have a strong opinion, oversensitive people call it hating.

Image result for gif welcome to the jungle

Despite having the lush jungle to rampage, the storytelling was just horrible and dumb. The plot consists of generic cliché teenage crushes and they could’ve done some work on the CGI. The movie also contained played out humor. Take Hart’s character for example. His weakness is cake and in one scene he stupidly mistakes cake for bread, ate it, and asks, “Am I still black?”

LAME! The race card is overcooked, stop trying to stew it.

Image result for gif welcome to the jungle

Now let’s talk about the very creepy Mr. Black. He had to portray a very stereotypical popular girl who has a crush on Nick Jonas’s character. Even Nick Jonas is not a brilliant actor. He does nothing for me (he was also the reason I stopped watching Hawaii 5.0 after that dreadful cameo), but make me want to hit him with a brick.

The ‘girl in a man’s body’ humor was distasteful and to see a nearing 50-year-old Jack Black moving around with feminine mannerisms was not okay! It was rather disgusting. If I ever see Tom Cruise doing this, I’ll never watch another one of his movies again and I’ll erase his name from my lips.

I don’t see anything family-friendly about this cheap movie. I do not care how many Box Office records it has smashed. The sexual innuendo was weird given that this movie targeted children, but all the content was doing was confusing and brainwashing them. Some families were uncomfortable while watching the movie and had to abandon this garbage midway through. 

Image result for gif welcome to the jungle

The best thing about this garbage? When the credits started rolling and Axl Rose starts screaming ‘Welcome to the jungle’. Man! It’s been ages since I’ve heard that song!

RATING

Image result for gif welcome to the jungle axl rose

***All Axl Rose welcoming “victims” to the jungle GIFs via Google Images.

Advertisements
Posted in Entertainment

Trailer: Mission: Impossible – Fallout

The first look at Mission: Impossible – Fallout trailer is here and it’s AMAZING! Rebecca Ferguson is back and so is Simon Pegg and Ving Rhames. Henry Cavill is rocking the mustache and he’s portraying a character who goes by the awesome name of August Walker. I am hoping that he’ll prove me wrong for he’s so wooden as an actor. Angela Bassett is also looking good in her role.

And Tom Cruise is back with the crazy stunts. 

So I just watched the heart-stopping action trailer, and I don’t know where to begin. I’ll start here:

“Your mission, should you choose to accept it. I wonder… did you ever choose not to?”

Chills, child! Chills! That’s a killer dialogue right there! We have fist fights, motorcycle chases, and a helicopter chase. Yes, because Tom was looking for a way to kill himself so he decides to up the ante by performing a death-defying stunt by hanging off the side of a moving helicopter. 

Related image

I want to talk a little about the August Walker character. In one scene, he points out that Hunt has been betrayed by his own government numerous times, and asks how long will a man like Hunt has had enough. In another scene, Walker is seen helping Hunt take down a bad guy, but then in another, he’s chasing down Hunt with a helicopter, which begs the question: friend or villain? I think they’ll be enemies at first and they’ll team up later on.

Image result for tom cruise henry cavill

I believe that this MI is going to be the biggest for Tom; I also hope that it’ll be the last chapter of this fantastic spy-fi for it’s time to retire Ethan Hunt. 

Image result for mission impossible fallout

🔥🔥🔥🔥

The fuse has been lit! Check out the EPIC trailer below:

Posted in Entertainment

Favorite YouTube videos of the month!

YASSS! New monthly category!

 

I may have mentioned this in earlier posts that I frequent YouTube a lot, not for music videos, but for interesting, fun, and learning content. I’ve subscribed to some awesome channels and thought I’d share a few of the videos I’ve enjoyed for the month.

Image result for gif youtube

Twins teach their 21-year-old best friend to ride a bike

If it’s one channel that I’ve come to love over on YT, it’s Lucas and Marcus. The Dobre twins always try to make family-friendly oriented content even when pulling softcore pranks on their brothers and parents. 

Anyways, earlier this month, the twins taught their cameraman and best friend, Steve, how to ride a bike. It was a really nice experience for Steve who mastered the art of bike riding by the end of the video.

Surprise, Marcus!

The twins turned 19 on Sunday and Lucas attempted to surprise his twin with a birthday party at their parents’ gym. Was it the best birthday party ever? I don’t know, but Marcus was sure appreciative of the gesture.

Reading books is amazing

One of my favorite BookTubers, Jesse lists 30 things that he loves about reading books. I might have identified with many, if not all of them.

Epic intro!

James Patterson pulls no punches when it comes to promoting/marketing his books and this 31-second clip of him entering a stadium to plug the book is amazing!

Whodunit?

This video is from September last, but I only discovered their channel this month (YouTube recommended it) and I like it! In this clip, there are 7 mysteries that only 5% can solve. Do you have what it takes? Then watch the clip and play along.

And that’s a wrap! 😃

Posted in Entertainment

Tom Cruise reveals the title of the 6th Mission

Image result for tom cruise mission impossible gif

The best spy in the business is back! 

The only movie that I’m highly anticipating this year is the 6th entry in the Mission: Impossible franchise and I seriously can’t wait for it. My love affair with movies is out the window, but I still love the Mission franchise. And Tom Cruise did two things today: he joined Instagram and revealed the title of the 6th Mission in an epic way. 

The title is Mission: Impossible – Fallout.

Get ready. #MissionImpossible

A post shared by Tom Cruise (@tomcruise) on

The title heavily suggests that the 6th installment will deal with the repercussions from Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation. On a side note, I wonder if Ethan Hunt’s relationship status would finally be put to rest. His ex-wife is coming back (maybe they see each other secretly and they aren’t even exes as he suggested in the 4th Mission?), but I am hoping that Ethan and Ilsa are end game. 

Image result for tom cruise mission impossible rogue nation gif

The trailer should be arriving next month. Tom also posted a photo of him hanging onto a flying helicopter promising that they upped the ante for the 6th installment. 

That’s a mad shot! 

Mission: Impossible – Fallout arrives in theaters July 27, 2018.

Posted in Entertainment

Thursday Ten: Home Alone sins

*shrugging* What can I say? I enjoy taking things apart in my spare time.

When I was younger, I used to enjoy Home Alone. I was a child then so I didn’t care for weak plots and storyline. I just wanted to laugh at the wicked stuff those burglars had to endure because they had it coming. I’m older (and wiser) now and I can’t watch most movies anymore without picking apart the watered-down storyline/plot, the violence, the characters and why half the things don’t make sense. Also, I’m a writer with a wild imagination so I tend to see things differently. Oh, and sometimes I can be a bit of a theorist. 😛

These are 10 things that always bothered me about Home Alone:

Image result for Home Alone

1. The McCallister family is trash and a bunch of psychos. Especially that nutter Uncle Frank, who for some reason enjoys picking on an 8-year-old. There is the moment in the kitchen where everyone is eating pizza and they forget about Kevin who makes his presence known by shoving the bullying Buzz. Uncle Frank grumpily chastised Kevin in front of everyone: “Look what you did, you little jerk!” You’ll think Kevin’s parents would do something, but they stupidly looked on. I mean, come on! The entire family bullies the child and the parents stand there like idiots? Especially the mom. What kind of mother are you, woman? Right, the kind who puts the blame on an 8-year-old to appease a relative, starve the child and banish him to the attic bedroom. 

Image result for gif home alone what kind of mother am i

2. The mother doesn’t work and we’re not sure what the father does, so how can a family of 40 afford a trip to the City of Romance?

Image result for home alone family

3. The police officers should be fired. When the family of psychos arrives in France and realizes that Kevin was missing, Kate calls the police back in the States to explain that a child has been left at home unattended. The cop who took the call thinks this McCallister woman is being ridiculous. There is no Kevin at home. They send a lone cop out to the house and he doesn’t even go in because everything seemed normal.

Image result for gif home alone police

4. The pizza boy is incredibly stupid. He runs off scared by the thought of being killed by a gun, but he fails to call the police. I mean, WHAT? You just got ‘shot at’ and you go off to deliver pizzas as if nothing happened? Was everyone in this town taking drugs?

5. I liked Kevin, but I thought Marv was a cutie. I mean, look at the handsome thieving bastard with the beautiful eyes!

Image result for marv home alone

It’s too bad he was a pervert (Wet Bandits anyone?) and Harry was his partner! The subtlery is not so subtle.

Image result for home alone marv and harry meme

6. Kate accepts an uncomfortable ride in the back of a van with seven strange men. Eh! That’s what happens when you sell your soul. 

Catherine O'Hara as Kate McCallister in

7. Kevin got overwhelmed when told to pack his suitcase, yet, the nutcase in the making eagerly set evil bobby traps for the burglars without complaining?

Image result for home alone policeman gif

8. There is no way on this green earth that Marv and Harry could’ve survived those tortures to return for Home Alone 2. They should’ve been long dead. And torturing people for fun isn’t funny. Kevin has probably joined some sort of terrorist organization by now if he’s not busy trying to be the next Ted Bundy.

Image result for home alone gif bobby trap

9. The movie is incredibly stupid when you take away Kevin’s so-call genius. His family is actually some of the worst actors I’ve ever seen in my entire life! 

Image result for Home Alone kate kevin gif

Me too, Kev. Me too.

10. Or maybe, Kevin doesn’t exist and the mother was having a mental breakdown. This would explain the reason why he’s always being ignored, why the father threw his ticket in the trash, why we never saw his bedroom, why he doesn’t get any pizza, why he is banished to the attic room, why the cops didn’t care to take the mother seriously, why the mom left her family in Paris to go on a trip with the devil because she wanted to see him one last time and she’ll do anything hence selling her soul. Right, theorists?

Image result for gif home alone

Maybe being home alone existed in Kevin’s mind. I mean, he has friends (it was mentioned), so why couldn’t the stupid mom call one of their friend/neighbor to watch him? Maybe Illinois is a state of mind. Maybe Kevin is in fact, a child murderer who killed his entire family (“I made my family disappear.”) and invented the whole home alone thing because he was getting lonely. Eh! Plenty of reasons to kill them after all. I mean, they were mean to him, they bullied him, and Uncle Frank probably sexually abused him. The creepy old bastard! Teasing the child about his private part (“he says if I see him naked, I’ll grow up never feeling like a real man.”) and no one bats an eyelid. No one? Really?

Related image

Theories aside, I thought Macauley was brilliant as a child serial killer in the making. I give this movie a 2/5 rating.

*** GIFs and pictures via Google Search

Posted in Entertainment

Riverdale: about Barchie and the Black Hood

Had to show up for the mid-season finale. 😛

WARNING: Spoilers ahead! Duh!

S2 E9 Chapter 22: Silent Night, Deadly Night

This is most likely not going to be a review of last night’s mid-season finale. It’s most likely going to be a rant.

Image result for gif jughead

Why I’m not getting aboard the Barchie ship

When the show opened back in the first episode, anyone could see that Betty was in love with her best friend, Archie. Yet, the ‘relationship’ was one-sided because Archie didn’t feel the same way and if I may go further, I’ll say that Archie does not like blonde studious girls who wear their hair in an iconic ponytails and is fiercely loyal when it comes to her friends.

But I like their friendship.

Image result for gif archie betty

Archie was into Miss Grundy, then there was Veronica, and then there was Valerie, then there was Veronica… It was only when Jughead and Betty got together that Archie realized he probably missed out on something with Betty and he was jealous, something I mentioned in one of my very early reviews of this show.

I just ain’t feeling them. Nope. Non. Plus, Archie does not look at Betty the way Jughead looks at her and the way she looks at Juggie.

Related image

Then there was that heartbreakingly sweet scene in S1 E10 where Betty is talking about her problems and Jughead is sitting there like he could just cry for her. He doesn’t even judge her scars, but you can see that he is worry and scared for her at the same time. Then he does the sweetest thing: he kisses her hands. This was singlehandedly the best moment of the first season for it gave their relationship depth. 

Image result for gif jughead kisses betty hand

Even if Barchie is endgame, I won’t ship them. They’re on a different wavelength and they do not have my blessing. I don’t care if it was always Betty and Archie in the comics and I don’t care if Jughead was asexual in the comics, Riverdale is called a TV adaptation for a reason. It’s just stupid that Archie tells Veronica he loves her, but the second she dumps him, he realizes that he likes Betty. Riverdale writers, PLEASE! He had his chance in season one, he blew it. Jughead was there for her. 

Related image

I don’t see Jughead running to Veronica for comfort (although he lost a few brownie points for turning to Toni a few episodes back)! Or is that going to happen soon (though, this wouldn’t be a bad ship!)? Or would he realize that he likes Cheryl? The first time Bughead broke up, Betty was protecting Jughead; the second time they broke up, Jughead was protecting Betty. They love each other so much that they refuse to put each other in danger, therefore, I refuse to ship Barchie.

Image result for gif jughead veronica

I AM SHOOK!

*Gasps* The Black Hood was revealed and it was the school janitor Mr. Svenson, a suspect on my list, but for some reason, I now feel as if this was a setup and that the real Black Hood is still out there. He is someone intimately connected with the characters and the little town and Mr. Svenson was disconnected from the characters. It just doesn’t feel right.

Image result for gif jughead veronica

And who was that taking photos of Veronica and Archie? Was it you, Cheryl? Mr. Black Hood? Blackmail incoming!

Ending narrative

A truth that whispered, ‘This isn’t over’

Can Jughead write my life already?

This narrative was spoken while Betty was burning the items that she had gathered during her investigation. However, she can’t find it within herself to burn the black mask she found. This sets Betty up nicely as the Black Hood, but I just can’t see her as the masked idiot who might not be working alone. Maybe it’s her long-lost brother after all or Hal/Alice. I’ll just toss the Sheriff in there, too.

YEARBOOK NOTES:

^ So to recap: Betty and Archie solves the Black Hood mystery although I think that this is just the beginning, Veronica discovered a secret of her father’s but to be honest I was not paying attention so I don’t know what she discovered, I think Cheryl saw Betty kiss Archie, it looks like Archie and Veronica is back together after she finally said ‘I love you’ and they want us to believe that Betty is a serial killer. 🙄 Also, someone was taking photos of Archie and Veronica and I’ll like to believe that the Black Hood is still out there. *shrugging* Eh! 

Honestly, this show is so cringed, but I won’t stop until I find out who the Black Hood is…

Related image

RATING (last night’s episode)

rating-blograting-blog

Until January 18th God’s willing. {This may or may not be my last review of Riverdale.}

Related image