Books #158 – #161: So-call children’s classics

Yes, gurl, twirl, turn, pose, live your best life, werk! Oops, I forgot where I was. Wrong place for this.

Classic Books 4-7

Somewhere along the road, I took the liberty to also read a few children’s classics that I’ve never read before and a reread. 

Book #158: Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss

Top Promise: This Dr. Seuss classic starring Sam-I-Am will have readers of all ages craving Green Eggs and Ham!

Here’s the thing, I’ve never read any books from this fake doctor and decided to give one of his most popular books a chance. I was left disappointed by this travesty. Sam I Am is probably the most obnoxious thing I’ve ever come across. He’s vile and nasty when it comes to forcing his disgusting food upon others. Learn to respect others’ opinions when it comes to food!

via food.com

The book didn’t make sense and it was really boring. Bottom line message: if you keep on pressuring and insisting, they’ll eventually say yes. This is not a great message for children. 

Yuck! I don’t care if its name is Sam, and he’ll eat it in a boat, with a goat in a very green coat, no second serving for me.

Final Verdict:

Book #159: The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein

Fun Fact: This book was banned from a public library in Colorado in 1988 because it was deemed too sexist as some readers believed that the young protagonist continually took from the tree without ever giving anything in return.

And in a way, they’re right… just not about the sexist thing. We can look at this book from several points of view, but I dislike it because it’s a horrible and depressing story for children. The Bible tells us that it’s better to give than to receive (Acts 20:35), but THIS  kind of giving is inexcusable. The tree loves the boy and is at its happiest whenever she gives, gives, gives! This crazy giving is not self-sacrificial, but rather vile. Vile that the tree can’t learn to say no at times because it makes the thankless boy even greedier. Vile that he took all of her fruits, branches, and trunk until the stump alone remained. Vile that it’s implied that when someone loves you it’s okay to take advantage of them for all that you want/need for they’re always going to be there for you.

This one-sided love is vile.

I know I can look at this story from so many points of view, but from a child’s point of view, what message are they receiving? Most of them are going to cry over how unfair it was for the dead tree anyway. 

Final Verdict:

Book #160: Eloise by Kay Thompson 

There is no better way to say this and believe me, I tried to come up with better words, but that’ll be sugarcoating it, so that disclaimer of sorts out of the way: I HATE THIS BOOK!!

I knew I was going to dislike this book from the cover at how the spoiled ugly twerp – yes, I called a child ugly, deal with it, but she’s ugly inside-out – was climbing to scrawl her name on the mirror. Here are some things I STRONGLY dislike about this book:

^ The brat is 6, rich and automatically entitled. Her hobbies include hitting adults, drawing on the hotel walls, and bending over to show her knickers to everyone. She looks as untidy as her room.

^ Where are the brat’s parents? Her mother is across the world meeting important people (probably in Tahiti as I write this) and her father is never mentioned.

^ I feel as if she abuses her pets. She has a dog and a turtle. Those poor, poor animals!

^ The only person kind of tolerable in this story is the English nanny and Eloise enjoys making fun of her accent. What am I talking? The world enjoys making fun of the English accent for some sad reason.

^ I get it. I do. Her mother is rich and has no time for her, so she’s entrusted to a nanny as do most rich brats, but I can’t feel sympathy for her. Mama abandons her at the plaza to go on extravagant trips and to have an affair with her lawyer. Or maybe the poor lawyer is the brat’s father. I don’t care at this point.

^ And calling the name of the Lord in vain after picking up this trait from the English nanny? Oh, little twerp, no! This idiot gets in people’s way all the time and what is the she-devil doing in the men’s room?! 

^ Every time the twerp mentions her name, she practically screams it: ELOISE. Eew! This child is always around adults, mostly males, and yes, I am insinuating. Some of these men are creeps. I see you, Philipi. Creepy French tutoring pervert with a garter.

^ The twerp’s favorite word? Charge it. Entitled sad stupid brat.

^ I do not need to see a naked child!

^ Nanny smokes and drinks while the twerp watches TV with a parasol (in case of a glare) and binoculars.

For those saying that the thing is just a child, being 6 is no excuse to hit people, destroy things and call the Lord’s Name in vain. Solomon tells us so in Proverbs 20:11. This book is not okay for children to read and the subtle sexual references didn’t go unnoticed.

Final Verdict:

Book #161: Madeline by Ludwig Bemelmans

This line: “The smallest one was Madeline…” All of them looked the same size in the same two straight lines for me. I recall liking this book at first read when I was young, but now… erm, I love the rhyming and I love Miss Clavel for she’s patient, sweet, and kind. I don’t get what is it with children authors showing little girls in their underwear, but it’s annoying.

And here’s something you don’t hear from me often, I still like this little treasure, but what was so special about Madeline anyway? All she had was an appendix removed.

Final Verdict:

If I make reading unfun, I don’t apologize. I have no reason to sugarcoat things not even for a children’s book.

***GIFs/Images that don’t belong to LPM are via Google Search (Right-click for original source)

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