“Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle”: meh!

Not because everyone tells you that a movie is great andΒ it’s on top of the Box Office and it’s a success by Hollywood standards, meansΒ it’sΒ great. I was supposed to get this review out since last month, but I’m still angry at this garbage.

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Take a look at this plot:

When four high-school kids discover an old video game console with a game they’ve never heard of–Jumanji–they are immediately drawn into the game’s jungle setting, literally becoming the avatars they chose: gamer Spencer becomes a brawny adventurer (Dwayne Johnson); football jock Fridge loses (in his words) “the top two feet of his body” and becomes an Einstein (Kevin Hart); popular girl Bethany becomes a middle-aged male professor (Jack Black); and wallflower Martha becomes a warrior (Karen Gillan). What they discover is that you don’t just play Jumanji–you must survive it. To beat the game and return to the real world, they’ll have to go on the most dangerous adventure of their lives, discover what Alan Parrish left 20 years ago, and change the way they think about themselves–or they’ll be stuck in the game forever…

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I look beyond the dramatic cinematic effects and I seeΒ unwatchable typical Hollyweird oversexualized junk. This lame movie was not anywhere near funny. It was reaching, it was cheesy, the dialogue was senseless and that’s not even half of it. The acting was bad, Jack Black is asΒ funny as paint drying, Kevin Hart is NOT funny, and Dwayne Johnson? Well, I’ll never see him as an actor and nothing or no one is going to change my opinion about him. He falls flat where it concerns the emotions.Β 

He is just not a good actor and he is not believable at all. He is not charismatic and he does not have THAT real on-screen presence. I mean, not every actor can be Tom Cruise action-wise, but Johnson gives me nothing.

When you have a strong opinion, oversensitive people call it hating.

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Despite having the lush jungle to rampage, the storytelling was just horrible and dumb. The plot consists of generic clichΓ© teenage crushes and they could’ve done some work on the CGI. The movie also contained played out humor. Take Hart’s character for example. His weakness is cake and in one scene he stupidly mistakes cake for bread, ate it, and asks, “Am I still black?”

LAME! The race card is overcooked, stop trying to stew it.

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Now let’s talk about the very creepy Mr. Black. He had to portray a very stereotypical popular girl who has a crush on Nick Jonas’s character. Even Nick Jonas is not a brilliant actor. He does nothing for me (he was also the reason I stopped watchingΒ Hawaii 5.0Β after that dreadful cameo), but make me want to hit him with a brick.

The ‘girl in a man’s body’ humor was distasteful and to see a nearing 50-year-old Jack Black moving around with feminine mannerisms was not okay! It was rather disgusting. If I ever see Tom Cruise doing this, I’ll never watch another one of his movies again and I’ll erase his name from my lips.

I don’t see anything family-friendly about this cheap movie. I do not care how many Box Office records it has smashed. The sexual innuendo was weird given that this movie targeted children, but all the content was doing was confusing and brainwashing them. Some families were uncomfortable while watching the movie and had to abandon this garbage midway through.Β 

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The best thing about this garbage? When the credits started rolling and Axl Rose starts screaming ‘Welcome to the jungle’. Man! It’s been ages since I’ve heard that song!


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***All Axl Rose welcoming “victims” to the jungle GIFs via Google Images.

65 thoughts on ““Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle”: meh!”

  1. I’ll be sure to check this one off my list LOL. It makes you wonder, where has all the creativity gone. I know movies have always been “remade” but now its every 20 years you ARE going to see a remake. I watched an interview, don’t remember their name that said the “sexual undertones” in kids movies are to keep the parents attention, since the adults have to sit through the movies too. I heard that and said huh?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I don’t mind a retelling or a remake, but do it well. I agree that there is a lack of creativity. Hmm, well, that’s twisted. Even though said sexual undertones are there to keep the adults interested. ultimately, it’ll have an everlasting effect on the children. Yeah, I second that, huh?

      Liked by 2 people

      1. That seems to be the issue though, they don’t seem to be done very “well” I am an adult, and I don’t need the sexual undertones to keep me interested LOL. But I guess maybe some do. I agree, when I took my son to a movie, it was for him, and I don’t want to watch adult stuff with him. It’s still a little bit embarrassing, and he is 29 years old hahaha.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I watched the trailer and wasn’t very interested. But I find most modern Hollywood comedies to be pretty horrible. I agree with the sexual jokes. Some people find them funny, but I don’t. Saying that, I do like a lot of the actors (the Rock, Kevin Hart, Jack Black), but I tend to never like remakes of old movies. As a kid, I loved watching the original Jumanji with Robin Williams (RIP). So when I saw this one I knew it probably wouldn’t be as good; thus why, even before I read your review, I wasn’t interested in seeing it. I love your honest opinion! I don’t often find people who agree with my dislike of Hollywood comedies.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I was never interested in this movie at all, but someone wanted my opinion on it, so I watched it (I’m happy that I did not pay for this rubbish otherwise I would’ve been begging my money back). It took me a while to get to it, though. If you’re going to do a remake, do it well. Put some creativity into it. I remember watching the original Jumanji as well and I liked it, though I watched it only once. Yeah, I’m not a big fan of their comedies at all. Overall, I’ve been losing interest in movies and maybe one day, I’ll stop watching altogether.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I cringed when I saw the ads for this movie. I didn’t think it would be possible to top the original with Robin Williams. I don’t usually like the remakes. It’s so sad what they put in movies nowadays, even kid’s movies! I didn’t realize this one was so bad. Great review! πŸ™‚

    “Even Nick Jonas is not a brilliant actor. He does nothing for me (he was also the reason I stopped watching Hawaii 5.0 after that dreadful cameo), but make me want to hit him with a brick.” …so… that cameo is the reason I started watching Hawaii 5-0. πŸ˜… (I was a fan of the Jonas Brothers as a teen.) However, now that I’ve seen many of the original Hawaii 5-0 episodes from the 1960’s and 1970’s starring Jack Lord, I don’t watch it often because I like the original better.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was you when I saw the ads for the movie: cringing. And I cringed even harder every time someone mentioned that this movie was going to be the best thing to ever happen to cinema. I don’t like remakes either, but if you’re going to do it, do it well. Add some creativity. There are so many wonderful writers out here who could’ve made that movie 100 times better.

      I was also a Jo Bro fan, but Nick did nothing for me while singing or acting with his bros. Had it not been for Joe, then I would’ve quit on the bros. Mom is always telling me about the original, but honestly, Grace, I don’t fancy TV anymore. πŸ˜†

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Best thing to ever happen to cinema? Wow. 😲 Uh. No. πŸ˜†

        Yes, exactly! πŸ™‚ Haha, this is one reason why if I do watch a movie, it’s an old one.

        Oh wow, haha. I liked Joe fine, but Nick was the one that I liked to see most. πŸ˜… I remember Camp Rock though and Joe was pretty fantastic in that.

        I understand! Lately, I’ve had similar feelings toward TV. I pretty much only watch TV with my dad. And he happens to like Hawaii 5-0… πŸ˜„

        Does this mean that you no longer watch Criminal Minds?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hahaha! Right!

        Yes, I was Joe’s girl and I liked Kevin second because he was funny! 🀣 I loved Camp Rock! I liked it more than High School Musical.

        I still watch Criminal Minds, but one time this season, I missed an episode and I didn’t even care to watch it online. It’s not like Reid was in it anyway. πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

      3. πŸ˜€

        Me too! I’m not sure if I liked it more than High School Musical; they were both pretty great and I don’t know if I could choose between them. πŸ˜…

        I know what you mean! It was disappointing, haha. But I just saw the one where Reid came back. πŸ’ž All is right in the Criminal Minds universe again. πŸ˜„ But it wasn’t looking good for Emily…

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I’m going to watch both movies again and give my reviews here for ‘Blast from the Past’. I hope I like them as I did back then. πŸ˜†

        Yes! I was happy to have the genius back! Eh, I don’t even care if they kick Emily to the curb. Kidding. Kidding! They’ve ran out of steam, so I think they decide to pick on Emily to keep the viewers interested. It was nice to see Kim Rhodes (Zack & Cody’s mum) as Director Linda.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Oh, how fun! πŸ™‚ I can’t wait to read your reviews.

        LOL! πŸ˜‚

        Yeah, but really, I’m not a fan of it… my dad is bored with that plot-line.

        Whaaaaaaaaaaat? That’s Zack and Cody’s mom?! 😱 I knew she looked familiar but I would never have placed that. Wow. πŸ˜…

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Let’s hope I still like them. πŸ˜†

        Yes, that’s their mom. I loved her on The Suite Life, but looks like I won’t be loving her on CM!

        Liked by 1 person

      7. LOL, yes. πŸ˜†

        Same here! I’d like her more if she weren’t trying to tear the team apart. Especially didn’t care for her suggestion of kicking Reid off the team because he also teaches…

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Sorry for this late late late late reply, Grace! I didn’t see your comment in my notifications and WP can’t bother to show all of them. Anyway, I trust that you’re doing better. I miss talking to you. 😒Speaking of Reid, he didn’t make an appearance last week and in tonight’s finale, he has a mustache? Where did this boy disappear to? I refuse to read any spoilers relating to tonight’s finale, but I think someone said that it’s going to be 2 hours long? I can’t wait to tune in to find out the fate of our beloved BAU family. Have a great one and take care. πŸ’™πŸ’™

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey! Haha, it’s fine, I didn’t realize that you hadn’t answered this one. I thought you had. XD

        I know what you mean there; silly WordPress. It really should show more notifications than it does. πŸ˜„

        I am better, much better. πŸ™‚ My dad and I are watching the season finale and maybe we will finish both episodes tomorrow. I miss Reid so much; two episodes without him is too long to go without him. XD

        Whaaaaaaaaaat? A mustache? I can’t wait to see this. I can’t picture him with one for some reason.

        Yeah, 2 hours! Though I was sad that it looks like Reid is only in the last half. πŸ˜†

        Me too! πŸ™‚ (I have it recorded and we are 20 minutes into the first half.)

        Have a great weekend and you take care too! ❀

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m happy to hear that you’re much better, Grace! Ooh! I hope you and dad enjoyed the episodes! Yes, two episodes without him made me lose interest a little bit, but I survived. πŸ˜„

        That mustache was all sorts of right on Reid’s face. Then I took a trip down memory lane when I first met Reid. He was awkward and nerdy and now, he is all grown up and confident. I love his character growth as a writer.

        Let me know if you enjoyed the finale. Thank you; my weekend went well and I trust that yours was too. Take care. πŸ’™

        Liked by 1 person

      3. πŸ™‚ ❀

        We did! Haha, same here.

        It was! It was unexpected, but I like the change. You just took me down memory lane with you. I loved that about his character too. πŸ™‚

        I did enjoy the finale, but leaving Reid in that predicament…!

        Also, on a side note, I was pleased to see the woman who played Special Agent Mary Meadows again. I was actually quite shocked because I had watched The Scorpion King 2 the night before, so I recognized her immediately from that, but I was positive I had seen her before that. Turned out she was the princess in Galavant and she played Jasmine in Once Upon A Time, so I've seen her many times before. Knowing that she has acted in a lot of things, I suspected that she might stick around on Criminal Minds for more than one episode, and it looks like I was right. But what a twist at the end!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I think the ending was unfair given that CBS has been stalling all season long to renew CM. There is still no word on renewing it for one more season and if the show gets cancelled with an ending like that, I’ll blame Erica Messer.

        I have no idea who Karen David is for I don’t think I’ve watched any movies with her, but I’m glad that you were happy to see her! πŸ˜„

        Yes, what a twist! If the show doesn’t get renewed, maybe you and I could write an appropriate ending! 🀣

        Liked by 1 person

      5. That would be very sad to end the show like that. I really hope that doesn’t happen; at least give us one more episode to tell us what happened.


        That would be great! I think we would probably have too much fun writing Reid. πŸ˜„ It would be fun to write CM fanfiction together even if the show is renewed… πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I too, am hoping for one more episode at least. They owe us a better conclusion. There is still no word on the renewal. so we’ll just have to wait and see by next week God’s willing.

        Really? πŸ˜„ Well, Grace, looks like we have a new project on our hands! I’m definitely down to working on a CM fanfic! I know you’re busy with projects now, so maybe when you get some down time we can discuss it further.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. That is really sad – I hope they decide soon.

        Yeah! Haha, I love writing fanfic. I’ve written quite a few Nancy Drew fanfics. I’d love to write a CM fanfic with you! I look forward to discussing it further! ❀

        At the moment, I have 3 days to reach 10K words; I'm at about 8K. So close!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      8. I really hope so, too.

        I haven’t written fanfics in years so this is very exciting. Nice! I’ll love to read your ND fics someday. πŸ˜„

        Whooo! I hope you’ve reached that goal by now.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. πŸ™‚

        Oh wow! I’ve been working on a Nancy Drew one, but it’s an alternate ending to one of the games. And unless you’ve played the game, it may not make sense. All of the ones I’ve written so far are on this site currently: http://community.herinteractive.com/forumdisplay.php?68-Alternate-Endings But I think you have to be a member to read anything there. I hope to also put them on another board which anyone can read on a different site sometime. πŸ™‚

        I did, barely! I had to go into full November NaNo mode and write over 1K for two days but I reached the goal on the 30th! Actually went 100 words over. πŸ˜„

        Liked by 1 person

      10. I’ll admit that I’ve never played any of the ND games. I’m more of a Hardy Boys girl. πŸ˜„I hope you can for I’ll read them if/when you definitely do!

        YAY! You did it! I am so happy that you did! πŸ’™

        Liked by 1 person

      11. Oh, haha. Then perhaps I shouldn’t mention that Nancy went to Paris in the 14th installment of the game series… πŸ˜„

        I’ll work on it! πŸ™‚ The one that got the most comments on that site was an alternate ending to The White Wolf Of Icicle Creek. My inspiration was an Agatha Christie novel… it was crazy. XD

        Oohh, I see. πŸ™‚ The Hardy’s are good too! (And they made appearances in a few of the Nancy Drew games, by the way.) I have read a few of the books but not as many as I’d like. My uncle gave me a few of the books last year, and I’m reading them and enjoying them a lot. The one I’m in the middle of now is called “Mystery Of The Samurai Sword.”

        Me too! πŸ˜€ I didn’t actually finish the project though. Just reached the word goal. So now I’m editing and finishing it but at a slower pace. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      12. Nice! The only game I’m playing right now is Candy Crush Soda Saga. πŸ˜„

        Girl, I am yet to read an Agatha Christie novel! So many books, so little time. It was wonderful that it served as an inspiration for you, though. πŸ˜ƒ

        I remember the Nancy and Hardy collabs. It’s been ages since I’ve read them, but I intend to change that soon. I’m glad that you’re enjoying them!

        Still, congrats! I’m so happy for you and now, all the best editing and completing it. πŸ’™

        Liked by 1 person

      13. Oh, haha! πŸ˜„ I haven’t heard of it; is that on a cell phone?

        If we want to be technical… me too. πŸ˜† I saw the movie. I started the book but never finished it. I fully intend to someday. I was reading it with a friend, and she got busy so I’m kinda waiting on her. πŸ™‚

        I’ve read a couple of them, but they were hard to come by! I have a total of four, but I’ve only read two of them, I think. I liked them, but the authors put a bit of romance between Nancy and Frank which was weird for me because Nancy has Ned and Frank has Callie. And Joe seemed to fall for any other girl they encountered, like Iola didn’t exist. πŸ˜†

        Thank you! πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

      14. Yes. I downloaded it from Google Play.

        Okay. I hope you can return to it one day then. 😊

        Yes, weird. I don’t think I can see Frank with anyone else other than Callie, but it’s nice to try to shake things up sometimes. I tend to do so with my characters all the time. πŸ˜„I literally recycle them a lot in my stories.

        You’re utmost welcome.

        Liked by 1 person

      15. Oohhh, cool! πŸ™‚

        Me too! I actually have several of her novels. I need to read them all someday…

        Me either, but like you said, sometimes it is nice to shake things up. I’ve read plenty of fan-fiction where Nancy and Frank were a couple and a few where Nancy and Joe were a couple. The biggest change was the Hardy Boy Case Files. I haven’t read many, but apparently, Iola was murdered in that series so Joe is single and wants to get revenge on whoever killed her.

        I do too. In one of my recent Nancy Drew // Hardy Boy fan-fictions (that I haven’t finished editing yet) I killed off one of the Hardy’s. Talk about painful. That was hard to do, but the rest of the plot wouldn’t make as much sense if I hadn’t. I considered having him fake his death, but it really didn’t work with the plot either. πŸ˜…

        πŸ™‚ ❀

        Liked by 1 person

      16. I’m yet to start on the Hardy Boys Casefiles and also the Hardy Boys Adventures! They sound very interesting, but given my TBR, I want to stop buying books for a while.

        NOOOO! You can’t kill Joe! What is wrong with you? *hyperventilates* Joking aside, character death can be painful, but we have to do it. I hope to read that story one day indeed for you already have me intrigued. πŸ˜„

        Have a blessed day. πŸ’™

        Liked by 1 person

      17. Oh! How far into the Hardy Boys Mystery Series are you, if I may ask? πŸ™‚

        Haha, I get that. I have about 100 in mine still… 😲 I did finish the Hardy Boy book though.

        I KNOW, RIGHT?! WHAT WAS I THINKING? There was this scene where he was being heroic and the next thing I knew… 😭

        Yes, exactly.

        Awww. πŸ™‚ I’d love to share it when I finish it! πŸ™‚

        Thank you! You have a blessed day too! ❀

        Liked by 1 person

      18. I’ll be starting it all over again sometime later this year God’s willing. I am trying to accumulate the blue hard cover edition.

        At least you’re reading! πŸ˜„

        I am still intrigued about reading it major character death or not. πŸ‘

        Yay! I look forward to it.

        You’re welcome, and thanks as well. I trust that you’re having a great weekend. πŸ’™

        Liked by 1 person

      19. Oh, I see; how fun! πŸ˜€ I have the first one The Tower Treasure. If might be fun if I read it around the same time you read it because then we could talk about it if you want. πŸ™‚

        Haha, true! XD

        Aww. πŸ™‚

        I had a great weekend! I hope yours was as well. ❀

        Liked by 1 person

      20. That’ll be cool, Grace! It’ll be like a buddy read. πŸ’™

        I’m glad to hear that your weekend was great. Mine was well rested. πŸ˜„

        Liked by 1 person

      21. …I wasn’t done. XD

        I’m so excited too! πŸ˜ƒ Would we be working on this in a Google doc? That’s where I’ve been working on all of my projects, so just curious. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      22. Oh. πŸ˜„ It’s a lot of fun; I’ve been using it for a while, so if you need me to, I can show you how it works! And we can talk to each other while writing on it too because you can see each other type. (Google doc can be abused to become like instant messaging. πŸ˜† Or you can be responsible and use the chat box instant messager to toss ideas for the project back and forth. But typing over each other is much more fun… πŸ˜‚)

        Liked by 1 person

      23. I just never liked the idea of it for some reason. I think I know how it works, but yes, do walk me through. You can email me if you like. πŸ˜„

        Liked by 1 person

      24. I’m a hardcore MW girl! I keep discovering ways how to be creative with Word. πŸ˜„

        Liked by 1 person

      25. πŸ˜€ I used to only use MW. I wish that I had MW in this laptop, but I don’t, haha. My old one has Microsoft Word 2000, with Clipit. I adored the little creatures and people and random objects that would offer help.

        Liked by 1 person

      26. Hahaha! Yes, I remembered MW 2000! I used to like the creatures as well, but now, I have MD 2016 and it’s even better! πŸ˜„

        Liked by 1 person

      27. Hahaha! Nope, not gonna talk you into it at all. I don’t want to become their spokesperson. 🀣Plus, I don’t mind trying something new so I’ll try Google soon. πŸ‘

        Liked by 1 person

      28. Bummer! I don’t have a contact page. Okay, I guess I’ll be emailing you sometime this week.

        Liked by 1 person

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