Ah, Selena Gomez. I don’t consider her a terrific singer, but she’s okay… I guess. I liked a few of her songs back when I used to listen to music, but nothing to scream about. Her songs don’t ever stick around long enough to consider it a classic.
Also, my reactions may not be your cup of tea. It might be sarcastic and I also tear lyrics apart. Let’s react to it in 3…2…1…
0:10: Is she 15 in this video? She looks 15.
0:12: I was walking down the street the other day… No, you’re not. You’re riding down the street. When last did you ever walk down a street, though?
0:21: Selena rides her bike down a mountain to school. I thought she was going to ride it to the store or to meet up with friends at the mall.
0:24: But just like the battle of Troy… what does the battle of Troy have to do with this song?
0:49: Wait, is she singing or stage whispering? I can’t seem to tell.
0:52: Mean girls incoming!
1:00: Oh I’m tryin’, I’m tryin’, I’m tryin’, I’m tryin’, I’m tryin’… Me too, girl. I am trying to get through this boring music video and equally boring song.
1:06: Look, Farrah Fawcett! I mean, another Selena! I see what is happening here. This is some Dave Grohl experiment!
1:08: Selena as a man now. Too many personalities to keep count of.
1:17: Okay, I think I know what’s happening here. Selena the man is probably Selena the student’s dad and he’s having an affair with Selena Fawcett. But I’m wondering if Selena the student is in love with Selena Faw… let me watch some more first. Oh, and the video is set in the 70s, but it does not give off that vibe. And did everyone in the 70s have her face? Was this some kind of cloning experiment gone wrong?
1:31: Selena flirts with Selena in the hallway. Man, that sounds weird! But apparently no one is good enough for Selena but Selena. That sounds even weirder.
1:39: The way student Selena is staring at the scene in the hallway while yearningly singing Can we focus on the love? Paint my kiss across your chest. If you’re the art, I’ll be the brush. She is definitely in love and it cannot be with the man Selena because that’s her dad. From this angle, it looks like she’s in love with the gym teacher who’s having an affair with her father. No wonder why the students were whispering and staring at her! They know she’s a lesbian… and that her dad is having an affair with the object of her affection.
2:00: It’s gym period and student Selena can’t stop smiling at the gym teacher Selena Fawcett. Crush confirmed.
2:05: ANOTHER SELENA? Does it ever end? This looks like Mom Selena.
2:25: Mom Selena confirmed. This is getting exhausted. She picks up the Dad in a car, but student Selena has to ride all the way back home? And they’re having dinner without her?
2:47: Selena the student finally arrives home, but she decides to skip dinner altogether because she can’t stand the fact that she’ll be in the presence of the man who is having an affair with her crush.
2:58: She goes to her room to dance seductively in front of the mirror as she tries not to think about her crush.
3:20: She pretends to sleep when Mom Selena comes to check on her. Typical teenager, eh?
3:31: She lovingly strokes a photo of Selena Fawcett just in case we did not get who she was crushing on from the beginning of the video.
Basically, this video was about Selena liking Selena and Selena cheating on Selena. I know every video can’t be a masterpiece, but this is laziness. And my friends wonder why I don’t watch music videos anymore.
***GIFs via Google Search